It is common to see unfriendly relationships between mothers and daughters-in-law. The reasons, I’m tempted to say, are perfectly understandable. Mom thinks she knows her son better than anyone else and honey thinks she is the new mom and knows things mom would not even suspect.
These trivial feelings can lead to pretty intense situations opening the way to jealousy, insecurity, lack of appreciation, quarrels, and sometimes hatred.
In the mist of this tumult, the son and the husband is the one who is blamed, the one for whom we fight (when in fact we fight for our bruised ego). What we don’t think however, is that he may also be the one both mother and spouse hurt the most.
When I met my husband, many years ago, I had the feeling that his mother wasn’t quite happy with our relationship and it saddened me deeply. One day I entrusted it to my mother and told her about my doubts and apprehensions. She replied: “my child will never be a source of trouble between a mother and her son”, meaning she would rather see us part ways than sticking together knowing his mother was unhappy. As hard as it was to admit, I knew she meant it.
My girl friends told me to bear the situation, fake it until I get married, and then I would show her who’s boss. Instead, I started to pray remembering what The Lord told me about this relationship: “It won’t be easy, but I will help you through!”.
Then one day, during my devotion time I read the book of Ruth, the Moabite. I met a young lady, widow by the greatest misfortune, and discovered an exceptional woman full of love, faithfulness, humility, tenderness, obedience and courage. Her mother-in-law Naomi had lost everything (her own husband and two sons) in Moab where she had found refuge with her family after fleeing the famine in Israel. Broken and confused Naomi decided to go back home. Along with her were her two daughters-in-law (Ruth and Orpah), but only Ruth decided to stay by her side, not knowing where she was going or what to expect once in Israel.
“Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.” Ruth 1:16.
What a wonderful proof of love, humility and faithfulness! And God responded to that, blessing her in a way only Him knows how to; Ruth the Moabite, the stranger is today named in the genealogy of Jesus, the Christ.
So I said this prayer: “Help me Lord to love my mother-in-law as my own mother, to cherish and respect her as the woman who gave birth, nurtured and raised the man I love today. Lord break any barrier, any animosity and appease her heart. Give me patience to endure all kinds of frustrations. Give me a heart like your servant Ruth: loving, sincere and gentle”.
And as I was saying those words I felt in my heart the peace that I always feel when I know my Lord is pleased with a prayer I raise. It took a little while, but eventually things started to get better. She started to open up to me and I felt accepted as a daughter.
My mother-in-law is a wonderful woman. We’ve have both learned to know and appreciate each other. I know that my Lord is honored in this, so is my husband; and this is priceless.
All mothers want the best for their sons and think they know better than anyone what they need, and sometimes they do. Being a mother today, I can completely understand that. However, as Christian it is not for us to be in conflict with anyone.
There is nothing too difficult for the Lord if only we ask him. Why not then ask things according to His will, knowing that Him alone can change situations and seasons for our sake. Him alone can change people’s hearts, even the most rebels, and lead whoever He wants to obey His commands; and if He chooses not so, He is still God and still making all things (pleasant or not) work together for our good.
If you live a difficult relationship with your mother-in-law entrust the Lord to guide you through it. It may not be easy, but it is so worth it.